Bil’s rating (out of 5): B.
Original title: La Comtesse Noire
If soft core adult fare is going to masquerade as exploitative horror, it could at least be periodically horrific. Lina Romay is limp as a bloodsucker who wanders the misty fields of Madeira in search of victims, luring men and women in with her irresistible lack of wardrobe (she generally wears a cape and nothing else) before performing oral sex on them and then, well, biting off less than she can chew. Meanwhile, porn-stashed Jack Taylor reads random excerpts of poetry before making his way into her path. I get that it’s supposed to be trash, but thanks to zero effort on director Jesus Franco’s part to include much in the way of bloody mayhem (she goes down on a guy, he screams, and that’s about it), it’s only fun for anyone who is there to see the nudity (and with the endless shots up her crotch, there’s lots to enjoy).