Bil’s rating (out of 5): 0. USA, 2010. CBS Films, Escape Artists. Screenplay by Kate Angelo. Cinematography by Xavier Perez Grobet. Produced by Todd Black, Jason Blumenthal, Steve Tisch. Music by Stephen Trask. Production Design by Alec Hammond. Costume Design by Karen Patch. Film Editing by Priscilla Nedd-Friendly.
Every once in a while, you see a romantic comedy that makes you want to poke your eyes out with hot irons and cut your ears off with a buzzsaw. Jennifer Lopez very terribly plays a pet store owner who longs to have a child and has given up on waiting for the perfect man to come along, taking the route of artificial insemination instead. It’s terrible luck when she runs out of the clinic, freshly fertilized, and meets the man of her dreams (they fight over a cab, how cute), a sexy cheesemaker (blessed be he) who isn’t particularly nice or interesting but, since he’s the only guy in the movie who looks good without his shirt on, is her obvious mate for life. The two of them hook up, he (Alex O’Loughlin) learns of her family-way situation, decides he wants to be with her anyway, and they embark upon the rocky road of romantic fulfillment towards their conflict and eventual bliss. Their dialogue is never believable, the performances are awkward, and the movie was written by someone who has obviously never witnessed a real pregnancy: uncontrollable sexual urges, morning sickness and ravenous appetite are not symptoms of someone who has only been knocked up for ten days. Lopez and O’Loughlin have no chemistry between them, her character is trite while his is slightly mean when he’s not boring, and the gooier romantic moments between them are never enough to suspend disbelief for even the most gullible of viewers. There are two slight pleasures that the film doesn’t mine nearly enough: Michaela Watkins is hilarious and underused as Lopez’s best friend (though what makes them such good friends is beyond me) and Linda Lavin is graceful as Lopez’s loving grandmother. Otherwise, it’s to be avoided at all costs.