Parker (2013)


Bil’s rating (out of 5):  0

USA, 2013.  Incentive Filmed Entertainment, Sierra / Affinity, Alexander/ Mitchell Productions, Current Entertainment, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment, Anvil Films.  Screenplay by , based on the novel Flashfire by .  Cinematography by .  Produced by , , , , , .  Music by .  Production Design by .  Costume Design by .  Film Editing by .  

 pulls off a smooth heist with three cohorts, robbing the Ohio State Fair of millions of dollars. During the getaway his partners pull a fast one on him, robbing him of his cut and leaving him for dead on the side of the road. Time passes and he recovers enough to want revenge: before long he is masquerading as a Texas baron in sunny Palm Beach, Florida, fooling a struggling real estate agent (, inexplicably taking on a token role) into showing him local properties when he’s really hunting down his enemies and trying to find their next target. Eventually he realizes that they plan to rob the auction of a deceased billionaire’s jewelry collection, and he’s going to teach them a lesson by stealing it from them once they’ve managed to do it. It sounds like fun and games, but Taylor Hackford directs like he’s never made a movie before and makes one of the biggest turkeys of the last few years. The plot, based on a novel by Donald E. Westlake, barely makes any sense, riddled with “twists” that are really just excuses for our protagonist to cause untold amounts of bodily harm to everyone he comes across. Its confused tone tries for a light, humorous touch but also includes some of the most revolting injuries seen in an action film; then it gets exploitative by finding stupid ways to get Lopez into her underwear (which she looks wonderful doing, but is this really the girl from Out Of Sight?). It’s basically garbage, and you’d be wise to avoid it.


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